Sams In Home Therapy Starts tomorrow

His Therapist is coming here in the morning. 9:00 am! Yuck! I wish everyone could see my two kids right nowj. It's raining and they are outside playing in the rain and mud. It's not Storming it's just one of those soft spring rains that I Love to watch and after it's over Everything smells so fresh and clean outside. Now i've got to get busy and clean this house up so that Melissa doesn't think we live in a Pig Stye

Tired and Hurting

I'm just soo tired today. I don't want to do Anything at all. Plus my Costochrondritis is hurting so bad! My left shoulder, collarbone and chest is killing me. It hurts to take a deep breath :(
I Hate this pain! I started taking my Vitamins again so i'm praying that they will start working fast. All I want to do is Sleep. But of course with 2 kids in the house running around wild that is out of the question lol. Maybe I can get to bed earlier tonight? Maybe? lol. I'd Love to.
So far today we ran to the library and got a few books and some movies. Sam is watching one right now. SHelbie keeps saying she wants to watch one and then Right after I put it on for her she'll watch it for about 5 minutes and is done! Irritating! We ran to the bank too and deposited the Check from mowing. My mom said that the Church yard and Cemetary looked really good! That makes me proud. We try really hard to do a good job and make it look nice so it's great to hear feedback like that. :)
Well i'm going to go do some laundry now YUCK wish me luck/

Our night and Daddy at home today!

Well we started off last night really good. I ran to Pizza hut and got some pizza YUM! Billy and Sam wanted Meat lovers and shelbie and I always get Veggie Lovers pizza. OMG it was soo good!! I only wish that they could deliever out here. lol
Then after supper we got our stuff together to sleep outside on the trampoline. well it started off well, then the giggles started. And well TMI and Kinda gross but the Farting contest started! LOL Only boys! good grief! lol Then we finally settled down some and got quiet then Sam decides that he sees someone walking around in the yard. Ok we live wayyy off of a dirt road, In the woods! Not a big crime area mind you. But he couldn't be convinced other wise and we decided to go in the house. So much for sleeping outside! @@ Well we can say we tried anyway. The kids went to sleep pretty fast after they got in their own beds. Billy actually let me sleep in! Whoo hooo! Gotta love that. Then after a breakfast/Lunch of Pizza lol He started putting up our new Ceiling fan. The one that we had before broke awhile back. we've only had it for about 13 years lol. As soon as my Uncle Bob gets back from the lake I need him to come down and wire a new 220 elect outlet in the dining room. So we can put the air conditioner in That window. Yeah!! It's been soooo hot in this house it's not Even funny.
Right now Billy has shelbie with him down at his parents house. Shelbie had a present for Grandma and couldn't Wait to get it to her. lol.
I figure the rest of this day will be as lazy as it has been all day. *Yawn

Bored Bored Bored Bored!

Yep i'm bored! Some holiday weekend this has turned out to be! I have sat HERE in this house all weekend! Well other then a couple of hours yesterday when I ran to my Uncles and then to town to Subway and the store. Whoo hooo! really exciting there! @@
I don't know What I was expecting, but what ever it was it was not this. Billy is Yet again today in the Hay field. I k now I know it has to get done before it rains and it IS his best friend that he's helping but come on! He didn't get home till almost MIDNIGHT last night! the kids were in bed and I would have been there too except that I was up worrying about him! I couldnt' get him on his Cell and he'd called and told me that he was on his way home shortly but Nope here it was almost Midnight and he finally gets home! I kicked him in the shins for making me cry and worry about his sorry b utt! But he did bring home 3 H U G E boxes of ground beef, Elk meat, And chicken! OMG My f reezers are Full to busting! D always does this when he and Billy work together. He always loads billy up with stuff lol. I appreciate it alot but I just don't want him to think that we're going hungry or something. Heck you can just Look at Me and see that ain't happening! lol.
Billy told shelbie this morning that he had a suprise for tonight. She was sworn to secrecy not to tell till 3:00 pm. that's exactly 1 hour from now! I guessed what it was, Sleeping on outside all night on the trampoline. Fun for the kids but whoooppppeee for me @@
I guess i'm just short tempered today. It's hot in this house, I'm bored! and I want to do Something! Betcha $10.00 I get to set here alllll day today And tomorrow!

Veggiemom

Thanks again Sweetie! And yes add your blog to my link too if you want. I've already got it bookmarked in my favorites though ;)

FancyFaces4u

Thanks for signing my Blog.
I usually Sub for Kindergarten through 4th grade. Mostly though it's k-2nd grades. I Love the little kids because I taught Head start for years and i'm just used to the little kiddos.
We're out for the summer too! Thank God. Well other then not getting a pay check Thank God lol.
Hope you have a Great summer!!

The Case of the Disappering Husband

My husband that is. Disapperaing because he's not here lately! Ok he's not Really disappered because I KNOW where he is. lol. My hubby is working himself to death!
Thursday he worked at his regular job 12 hours like usual. Then at 7:30 Pm he headed for the Hay field. He hauled hay till 1:30 the Next morning! Then came home, slept a little Tiny while and then went to help our friend Matt build fence! He did That until about 5:00 pm and then came home for about 1 1/2 hours and then left to Finish hauling the rest of the hay! He didn't get home until 4:30 THIS morning! He crawled into bed and slept for about 4.5 hours then his mom called and woke him up. Arrgghh! Love her to death but arrgghh! I made him go back to sleep for awhile then my cousin Sarah who's married to Billys best friend D called and asked him to help D today Rake hay in Their field. So that is where my wonderful, hard working hubby is right now. :( I miss him!
I am So very Thankful that he's not a dead beat husband kwim? but I just wish that he knew how to slow down some and spend more time with us. :(
The kids are really m issing daddy alot today. He should be home at a decent hour tonight. Well I hope and pray anyway. But then he'll be back at it tomorrow i'm sure. So much for a holiday weekend. But at least the pay is good. But it's Not worth not getting to see my husband that's for sure!

THANK YOU VEGGIMOM

Thanks soooooo much for fixing my links for me. I appreciate it more then you know!!

And Jen(EC) Thanks for helping too! Love you girls!!!

I Give up!

I've been trying for the last Hour to add Links to the side of my blog, the ones of the Blogs I read but I can't get it to work right! Arrgghh!

Hot Lazy Thursday

Gosh it's hot today! Sunny and So hot!
I was wanting warmer weather but Man not this hot yet. I'm ready to get out there in the yard and fight shelbie for the garden hose to cool off lol. I think i'd have a fight on my hands for sure. :) She loves loves loves Water! i really need to get them a pool. But $$ is a little tight right now. Maybe when we get paid for mowing the church yard? maybe.
Today i've been soo lazy. Maybe because it's so hot in the house. I've done 1 load of laundry and i'm done. I need to put the dishes in the dishwasher but i'll do that later lol.
Billy is going to be home really late tonight. He's hauling hay for his friend D. I have no idea what time he'll get home since today he's working at his job till 7:00 pm and then going straight to the hay field. Hauling hay is soo much easier and Cooler at night. They probably won't get it all done tonight since D is bailing the hay today and probably won't get it all bailed today. So that means that Tomorrow night he'll probably have to haul hay again. :( I was wanting to take the kids to the DriveIn movies tomorrow night. They are showing ice Age 2. The kids have seen it but want to see it again.
I need to call the school and see when the Substitute Checks will go out. I need that money to get my Eyes checked. I need either new glasses Or i'm really hoping for contacts! Never had them before though so that'll be a change. I only wear my glassess now when i'm on the computer and reading. But I find myself using them more often. Yuck! lol
But so far that is how my day is going. It's so hot out that even the kids dont' want to go outside and play, Unless it's in the water. Man my water bill is going tobe High!

Schools Out For Summer!

Where is that musical note when you need it? lol.
Today is the last day of school! Well yesterday was Sams last day. Today they only had to go to 11:30 so we didn't make Sam go today. The poor kid gets on the bus at 6:30 and then he'd just have to turn around and come back home. it's silly! So all day today he and shelbie have fought! He's hit her I don't know how many times! She pesters him and makes him upset and he hits her! Arrgghh! I'm praying that this is Not a preview of the summer ahead of us! We really need to get a pool. Shelbie wants to play in the water Really badly but our Water toy broke and won't spray water in circles anymore :( She keeps wanting to turn the hose on and it's going to kill us in water bills! The pool doesn't have to be huge just big enough for the kids to play in and have fun in. I need to check Target and walmart.
Right now i'm Sweating to death! it's 91 degrees and i'm sooo Hot! We don't have the Airconditioner on yet. Actually we need to put the Window units in soon. Right now we're relying on box fans in the windows. And that is not doing much at all! Well it's blowing hot air. lol. it's supposed to be this hot all week! So far we have no plans for the holiday weekend. All the camping spots are full so I figure we'll stay around here. boring! But oh well.

Guess my Subbing Wasn't over for the Year after all.

I got a call this morning at 6:10 am. from the Sect there at the school asking me to substitute today. I immediatly said "Yes" lol. More money lol. It ended up only being 1/2 a day and oh my gosh it was Awsome! And EASY! From 8:00-8:25 they read a book! From 8:25- 8:35 we did a "Math meeting" basically talked about the day of the week month etc..
Then from around 8:35 - 10:? We watch a Movie! BABE! Then after that the kids wrote in their 2nd grade "Memory" books. Then we went to Art! Then the Teacher came and I left lol. Gotta LOVE a day like that!! Subbed 1/2 day for Mrs. Morgan! She's a super nice teacher!

6 Months

Zach It's been 6 months since you left us to be with God in Heaven. Mommy Misses you So very much sweetie. There isn't a day that goes by that mommy doesn't think of you and wish you were here with us. Oh how I wish you hadn't left us sweetie.
I love you so much little one.

Just documenting

AF Started yesterday Just about on time. About 1 day late but that's a Lot better then before Zach was concieved. So this is just for My records. Yay AF!

What a Great Day!

We had The best day today. Shhh don't tell the School but we let Sam skip school today to go fishing. ;) Sam and my FIL and I went fishing at a nearby lake. We were going to go tomorrow but it's soo crowded on the weekend and I talked to Billy about it last night and he agreed that it'd be ok to let sam go with us today. I wish Billy could have gone too but he was at work all day :( We had Chicken liver, Worms and Crawdads. The fishing started off really slow but then started picking up Big time! Sam caught his First Catfish today! He did So great reeling it in. my FIL caught 1 Kentucky bass and 2 Catfish and I ended up Catching The Biggest Catfish of them all! I am so proud lol. We ended up with 11 Fish! Now comes the yucky part of cleaning them. But then the Great part of Eatting them. YUM! I'm so glad that we got to go today, It was so great to be outside in the warm sunshine and no TVs etc.. The only bad thing was that we all got sunburned. Ouch!

Today is Our 16th Wedding Anniversary!

Wow I can't believe that 16 years have passed already. it just doesn't seem possible. 16 years ago I married The man of my Dreams, My Sweetheart. We had a small wedding with only my cousin Sarah as my Maid of honor and Billys Best friend who is Now Sarahs hubby Duane as his best man. Our Colors were Red and White. I carried a Big long boquet of red and white roses. Silk of course, I still have them :) Billy looked Soo handsome in his White Tux. I had the most beautiful dress! I had searched Forever to find just the right one. And I just happened to stumble upon a bridal shop going out of business in a nearby town and the Dress I fell in Love with was on Clearance for only $200.00! Amazing! While the wedding itself was small we had a Lot of people there. We honeymooned at a resort and had our own condo. It was magic!
So much has happened in our 16 years of marriage. Almost 6 years of Infertility and finally getting our baby boy Sam and then TTC AGain for 2 years and getting Shelbie! I'm so blessed!
I can't say that our marriage has been perfect, that's impossible. but I can say that when problems have come up we've tried to deal with them as a couple and work them out together. I can't even imagine being married to anyone else Ever. I am Truely THE most Blessed and Lucky woman in the Entire world.

Last Day subbing

All I can say is YEAH!! I am soooo glad that today was my last day subbing. It wasn't that bad a day but omg those kindergarteners can be Hell! lol. They are all just so full of energy and they are so excited about Summer vacation starting next wednesday. I am too! and so are the teachers lol.
I have no idea what next fall will hold. I am thinking hard about what i'm going to do job wise. Both kids will be in school and I need to find a F/T job. So i'm thinking and thinking.
I know that God will show me the way though

A Day in the Life of A Substitute

Well let's see What my Typical day of subbing is like...
Get up and get Sam and shelbie around. Drop shelbie off at Grandmas and Sam and I run to store to get breakfast Shhh don't tell Billy lol.
We head to school, and get there around 7:30 I like to get to school early to be able to look over the instructions the Teacher has left for me and get all the papers and worksheets together and in order in case they're not. This week i'm sooo blessed!! Ms. Jordan the kindergarten teacher i'm subbing for is Great! She has a detailed letter all typed up and ready for me with Times to do stuff and where the papers are! Love that!!
I also like to say Hi to the kiddos as they are coming into the classroom in the morning.
8:00 am Bell rings and kids start coming into the room and start sharpening pencils etc.
8:15 am down to business. lol. The kids get out their notebooks and "Free write" which basically means they write a few sentaces about their night or yesterday and I go around and correct the spelling etc..
9:00 am. Yep it takes That long to read all the kids writings and correct them . lol
9:00 we do the pledge and take attendance and lunch count, Count to 100 by 1's, Count to 100 by 5's. Count to 100 by 10's. Talk about day of week, month and date and year. We do alphabet chart and phonics chart. Kids get to share a special story about something.
9:30- 9:45 Start work sheets.
10:30- Wash hands for lunch.
10:40- Lunch I may or may Not have duty :( HATE lunch duty! Yuck!
11:10- Recess. May or may not have duty there too! double yuck!
11:40-12:00 Kids come back to room after recess. We take a bathroom and drink break and read book.
12:00 or so. Work sheets start again.
1:00- 1:40 a break for me! Yeah! P.E for the kids. lol
1:40-2:00 yet another bathroom and drink break for kiddos.
2:00-2:45 Work sheets Yep more!
2:45 Get ready to go home. get backpacks, papers etc..
3:00 pickup kids go to pickup area and Bus kids go to hall.
3:05 walk bus kids down to bus area and soon afterward put them on the bus! Yah!
3:30 Home for me! OH man I LOVE that part.

It's funny but when I write it out like that it doesn't seem like all that much in the day but I left out all the Millions of times I tell them to "Sit down" " NO that doesn't go in your Nose" "Please don't glue your fingers together" You name it. Oh and a hundred times I sharpen pencils too
Kindergarten teachers are a Rare bunch!

worried about Sam

Tonight Sam is having a very bad night. He's worrying. A Lot. He's worrying about me dying. He's worrying about what would happen if someone came in our house and took me Billy and shelbie. He's worrying about what would happen tohim if me and Billy died. He's soo full of worries. I don't know what to do to help him. I'm lost here! I keep trying so hard to reassure him that i'm healthy and i'm Fine and that his Daddy and shelbie are fine. How do I get through to him. He and shelbie were up at my parents yesterday playing with my niece and nephew and Sam got scared and started crying because he couldnt' find shelbie. She had gone into the house. He was so scared that she was lost. I don't know Where this comes from. Neither he nor shelbie have ever been lost. I don't know what to do to help him and i'm so scared. I need to call melissa his therapist and talk to her about this. I Pray God Please help him. Please God take his worrys and put them on me. Please

The Day finally arrived

It is so hard to believe but today would have been my Due Date. I know that I would have had him earlier then this date but this is THE date. I've been keeping myself so busy today, We went to church at my Inlaws Church today to suprise her. She was really suprised and loved it! I'm so glad that we could do something to make her mothers day so special. She's such a great lady!
But then now that i'm sitting here it's kind of snuck up on me. The Sadness that is :(
Our baby would have been here today. Should have been here today. I do feel a comfort though. I know that Zachary is up in heaven looking down on me sitting here thinking of him. It's a big circle :) He watches me and I think of him. wow! he's happy though. I know that. He's not sick anymore and he will never have to be poked and tests done on him. he'll never know any pain. But then until I get up there with him i'll not know what it would have felt like to hold him in my arms. To smell that wonderful sweet baby smell that is all his own. To hear him cry to nurse him to just sit and look at him.
I love you baby so much. And I miss you so much.

My Mothers day ring is Ordered

Well Billy didn't get around to ordering it before the deadline but I went and ordered it today. It's so pretty in Yellow gold and called a "Harmony" family ring. I could pick up to 4 stones to put on it so I put Sams, shelbies, Zacharys and Billys. After all Billy IS my baby too LOL. It should be in in a couple weeks! I can't Wait to get it.

Mothers Day Tea at Preschool today

Shelbies school had a mothers day tea for all us mommys today. We got really cute invitations the other day and we had placemats with our childs pictures on them in our seats. Plus the kids had made Cute little flowers for us to wear. Ahhh! The classes sang songs for us and a Teacher read a poem. There was barely a dry eye in the house. :( it was so sweet. Then we had Cake and punch. It was so nice. We were supposed to have a playdate with Shelbies best friend from Preschool but the mom had to cancel. I guess her other daughter was sick at home and had to get back to her. It's ok and I told her that we'd just do it another time soon. We sat and talked while we were waiting on the girls to come out and she's really nice. I'll admit I was nervous lol. come to find out they really don't live that far from us. Wow I figured that they lived a long ways from us but nope. We may have to get together soon. I Know shelbie would Love that.

Exhausted!

Thank God that i'm done Substituting for the Week. Mon-today I subed all day for a First Grade class. The teacher had training those days in the Building but she was out of the classroom after 8:30 so I was on my own. I liked it better that way anyway. She's a great teacher though and you can tell she Truely loves her kids. And they Reallly love her. They just run to her and give her huge hugs and tell her that they love her. It's so sweet! I don't think she and her DH ever had kids. I'll have to ask Billy about that. See The teacher mrs. B is Billys Best friends Aunt. So Billy knows her. She's a sweetie! I'd love for shelbie to have her as her teacher in first grade. But the poor woman has some doozies in her class! A couple of boys that will NOT listen for anything and a few Girls too! One little boy Darrin is just so annoying! He makes me want to Shake some sence into him. He'll just look at you and then Do the Very thing you told him Not to do! Needless to say he got in trouble quite a bit!
I'm so glad that I have the rest of the week off. Tomorrow is shelbies Preschool day and they are having a Mothers day Tea. It'll be so much fun. SHelbies so exctied about it. And then afterward we're going to have lunch with shelbies best friend C and her mom. This will be the first time for that and i'm Nervous! What if the mom and I have nothing to talk about? What if she doesnt' like me? Gosh I sound like a little kid. Lol. Oh well I have to try this at least once! I'm such a homebody and i'm so shy around people I first meet. I'll be praying that everything goes well. Shelbie and C are the best of friends and since they won't go to the same school for K. This will be the last time their in school together. :(

Yikes! My Diabetes Risk.

Diabetes Risk Test Results
Scoring:
0 - 2
Very Low Risk
3 - 9
Low to Medium Risk
10+
High Risk
You have scored 11 points . You are at high risk for having type 2 diabetes. Only your health care provider can determine if you have diabetes. At your next office visit, find out for sure.
You can reduce your risk for diabetes by:
Keeping your weight in control (or losing weight if you are overweight)
Staying active most days of the week
Eating low fat meals high in fruits, vegetables and whole grain foods
For more information, call 1-800-DIABETES (1-800-342-2383) Monday through Friday, 9 am – 8 pm (EST)

Ok This Does worry me. My Grandfather has type 2 diabetes. He found out he had it late in life like a lot of people. I also have Great grandparents on my fathers side that had diabetes. Also Great-great Aunts on that side that had it. Type 1! I had my blood sugar tested right after we lost the baby because they kept checking my blood sugar in the ICU and giving me insulin. But they said taht my blood sugar was fine. I have been having some things that worry me. Light headiness, Eye problems, and I keep getting Shakey when I don't eat. This freaks me out! I pray I don't have diabetes

My Weight A Long Story

Doesn't it all come down to weight? lol. I'm going to be honest here cause well it Is my blog and if I can't be honest here well then Where Can I be honest. I'm 5 foot 4 & 1/4 inches. Yep I had to add that 1/4 th in there lol. And I weigh......
Yikes this is So hard to say. But well I weigh 194 lbs! OMG that looks so Huge in print! This is about the biggest i've ever been. In high school I weighed around 120 or so. Not skinny because i've Never been "SKinny" but I was healthy and fit and I played softball all the time and Ran and I was active. Then like most people when you get Out of school I started gaining weight. Slowly really but I gained. I was still in a healthy range when I got pregnant with Sam after trying for so many years to get pregnant. I see pictures of myself when I first got preg with him and I look So great! I went Crazy eatting anything and Everything with him. I was new to being a SAHM and I had nothing better to do during the day then Sit on the couch and Eat! And I did that fantasticlly. I was a pro! lol.
Sam was 9lbs 3 oz at birth and 21 inches long.
About 1 year or so after he was born I felt so awful about my weight and I went to the Dr and got on Phentrimine to help me lose weight. Now that stuff was Awsome! The weight just melted off me. But then I was doing a Denise Austin Exercise tape almost everyday too so that helped. But I got down to 145. I felt Awsome! I looked great if I do say so myself. haha. Then opps! I got pregnant with shelbie. lol. I only gained about 30-35 lbs with her because I was soooo sick with her. I barely ate the entire pregnancy. M/S was Awful. no vomiting but omg there were times I almost prayed to. After she was born at 8lbs 8oz and 20 1/2 inches long I just put my weight on the back burner. She was a hard baby. She had Horrible acid reflux and on 2 meds for it. Plus colic. At 6:30 EVERY night she would start screaming. I mean Screaming! And would not stop for over 1 hour or more. How we got through that I will never know. Yes I do, God!
Then about 3 years ago I found out that I have a thyroid problem. Out of the blue. I had no idea at all. I have diabetes running in my family and had been feeling.. Weird so I went to the Dr to have him check my blood sugar And my thryoid while he was at it. It came back that my blood sugar was fine. Yeah.. But my thryoid was not. Just like my Dad and his mom. So i've been on thryoid meds for that long now. Guess what... When you have a thyroid problem you have a Problem losing weight most of the time. My Dr had told me that "your weight will just Fall off you" Ummmm NOPE! I know what will work for me. Atkins= Low Carb. It works for me Everytime. But Why can I not get started? I Hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look and i'm SO self consious about being seen naked! YIKES! Poor Billy. lol. So what is holding me back? I Want so badly to lose this weight but Why can't I just do it?

I Changed

The way my Blog looks. I really didn't like it before and now I like this better.

What a SAHMs Salary Should be!

Stay-At-Home Mom's 'Salary' Rises To $134,121
POSTED: 10:50 am CDT May 5, 2006
UPDATED: 11:00 am CDT May 5, 2006
WALTHAM, Mass. -- The cost of paying a stay-at-home mom for all the work she does is on the rise.
Salary.com said if they got paid, stay-at-home moms would pull down $134,121 this year -- a raise of $2,650 from last year's theoretical salary.
Moms who work outside the home would get an annual paycheck of $86,876 for the "mom job" portion of their work, in addition to their actual "work job" salary.
Salary.com put together a list of job titles that best matched a stay-at-home mom's definition of the work she does.
Among them -- in the order of hours spent per week -- are housekeeper, day-care center teacher and cook.
Job titles new to the list this year include psychologist, laundry machine operator and computer operator

So When should I expect my Check? I also need back pay for the last 10 years thank you! Yeah I bet the Check is in the mail... Right? LOL

What a Great Day at Church

We were back at church today and It was so great. We haven't been in about 3 weeks due to Sickies going around. I actually was finding it hard to go back. Why? Don't know.
But last night I told myself that I was Not going to let the old Devil keep me from going back. So this morning we got around and Sam did Not want to go. He wanted to stay home and watch TV. I can't Wait until we turn off our Dishnetwork! But after some grumbling he finally got his clothes on. We had a Wonderful service. My uncle Ed is the pastor there and so many of our family go there too. My parents included. Uncle Ed preached such a wonderful message and it really hit home with me. I left Church feeling so good and peaceful. I want this feeling to continue.
My mom wanted Sam to go with them to the Razorback baseball game so I said "yes" He was soo excited! He's never been to a "Real" baseball game before and i'm hoping he had fun. They should be home soon.
It is so great to feel so good today, Happy and peacful and not stressed and Sad

A Song I found by Casting Crowns. I Love this song

Casting Crowns, words written for worship, and my heart sings. . . "I was sure by now That You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry You raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find You"

I think I know What Billys getting me for Mothers day

Billy was talking to the kids last night about what I wanted for mothers day. Shelbie had asked me about a week ago what I wanted for mommys day lol. I told her that I really wanted a Mothers ring. But that I figured I would have to wait for awhile to get one since $$ is kinda tight right now. Well apparently she told Daddy that I Really wanted a mothers ring for Moms Day. So Billy was hem hawing around last night asking about rings and mothers day and what I wanted and what size ring I wore, Not the least bit suspicious lol. I just came right out and said "Well if I ever get a mothers ring that I want soo much I want all the kids Birth stones on it. Feburary for Sam, September for Shelbie and November for Zachary. I didn't know what he'd think about me wanting Zacharys BS on there too but he didn't say anything. Zach is my baby too, even if he's not with us on earth. I'm so excited to see if I do get one this year. I've only been wanting one for like Forever! lol.

Mom you're the Greatest person ever, Right after God and Jesus

Sam made me a mothers day card at school and gave it to me today. It's so sweet and it has a picture drawn inside of all of us. He actually put My name and Dads name and shelbies name on it too. But he told me that the reason My name was Bigger then all the rest was because he thinks i'm the best person in the world. Right after God and Jesus. OMG there are days when it seems all I do is tell Sam "No" or "Stop" and he tells me this. And there are soo many days that I feel like The worst mom in the World and he thinks i'm The greatest.
Thank you God. I Really needed this today. And Thank you God for blessing me with the Honor of being Sams mom. I'm the luckest mommy in the world.

Today would have been my C-Section Day

For some reason I guess I blocked it out until I looked at the Pocket calendar in my purse. I had been using it when I was pregnant and I had written down today as my C-section date. Well it was a tentitive date anyway but the Dr said that it would be Ok with him. So if I hadn't lost Zachary today I would have been holding him in my arms. Wow. That brings up a lot of emotions. Remembering when both Sam and shelbie were born. Thinking of how it could have been this time around. Thinking about Sam and shelbies reactions to their new baby brother. Seeing Billy hold him. But instead today my arms are empty. And a Big place in my heart is empty too. And to think that my baby boy could have shared a Birthday with a wonderful sweet little girl named Audrey. I'm doing ok. A few tears but i'm ok. I know Zachary is looking down on me today, I can almost feel him near me. I just wish that just Once I could have seen him. Held him for just a moment.

Zachary I know you are up in heaven playing with all the other baby angels. I bet I know some of their mommys down here. Mommy misses you so much baby. My heart is so Sad today sweetie. It would have been the perfect day for you to have been born. Your brother and sister would have loved you so much. And your daddy would have been so proud of you. So until mommy can be with you in Heaven please sit close to Jesus and listen to him, I want to hear all about your time in heaven when I get up there. I Love you so much baby boy and mommy misses you with every breath I take.
Love you so much
Mommy

NightMare

My poor Girl had a bad nightmare last night. The poor sweet girl ran into our room early this morning at around 2:00 am. She was so upset and crying. She dreamed the her Aunt Paula had an accident and cut her hand off. :( I had to hold her for a long time to get her to calm down. She didn't sleep good after that. And that ment that I didn't sleep good either. A queen size bed is just not big enough for Me, Billy and a wiggly 5 year old. lol. I've been having problems sleeping for about 4 days now. I am soo tired when I go to bed but then I just can't fall asleep. I Really need a nap right now. *Yawn* But Shelbie is up for the day and I really need to get some stuff done before we go get groceries.
I have to Substitute this coming Mon, tues and wednesday for 1 st grade. I am nervous about that. I've never subbed for 1 class 3 days in a row like that. Yikes! I know it'll be ok, it's just the Thought of it lol.
School is out on May 23rd so I need to sub as much as I can before then.

Feeling Better.

Wow What a differance a Day makes. Well even 1/2 a day lol.
I am feeling so much better today then yesterday. Better then even this morning. Those prayers are working!!
I'm still coughing some but only when I need to Not just coughing all the time. I am finally getting that stuff coughed up out of my lungs Yuck! My head feels better today too. This morning I was really stuffed up but it was mainly because I left the ceiling fan on all night since it was so hot last night. After a pot of hot coffee and an allergy/sinus pill I feel lots better. I Hate having allergies. But at least this is on the mend. Thank you God

Home Today

Wow I can't believe that So far today i'm home. I"m Praying hard that I can Stay home all day. lol. It seems that even though i'm a SAHM i'm Never At home. lol. Monday was shelbies Kindergarten Screening and then yesterday shelbie had preschool, So today I have got to get that laundry done plus our Church is having a Big yard sale Saturday to raise money for Church camp. I'm putting some stuff in there too plus we'll probably go over and check it out and help some. Last year we found some great stuff there, For the kids and for selling on Ebay. I found The cutest pair of snow bib overalls there for $1.00 and sold them on Ebay for $13.00! Gotta Love that. I Do need to run down to my cousins tanning salon sometime today to pay her for tanning and run to the store but i'm holding off as long as I can. I just don't want to leave the house today. I'm just being a home body. Tomorrow shelbie has preschool again and then friday?? I substitute Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week for mrs. B. 1 st grade and then the Next week Mon, tues and wed for ms. J in Kindergarten. Wow! I'm going to be Busy!! But hey can't pass up the chance to work when I can. $60.00 a day is $60.00 I didn't have before. Those will probably be the last days I sub this year since School is out May 24th. I'm soo ready for Summer vacation!

The Mail Totally Ruined my Day

I got that Freaking Stupid "Welcome Baby" package in the mail from Freaking Similac today. Welcome baby? Ummm Nope! How about welcome heart ache? Welcome scraping off the scab!? Welcome Ruining my great day? That is it!
This day was going so great. Shelbie had preschool and had a great day, lots of fun. I hit the resale shops and walmart to get stuff for sams field trip Thursday.
Shelbie and I were hanging out here at home after her school and then checked the mail and B A M there went my good mood and great day! There is the mail box was that Freaking package! Why? Why send it after I contacted them and told them our baby died? Why? I have contacted all of the baby people that I had signed up for when we found out we were preg. I Still keep getting that "American Baby" magazine. I have contacted them 3 times now! I keep getting Emails from baby boards and Cord blood registeries and this and that. Baby baby baby! OMG leave me alone! let me start feeling happy again! Let me get on with my life with a little smile without you freaking companies wiping my smile off!
I now have 2 8 oz cans of Simalic formula on my shelf. Staring at me. Mocking me.
weird thing is I have Never used formula with either child. I wasn't going to use it with Zachary either. Now it's just sitting there. Does anyone want it? = (

Hummm Try this again.

Ok For some reason my other posts aren't showing up from today.

Anyway... Shelbie had her Kindergarten screening today. She Did Awsome! I'm so proud of her. she went with the teachers no problem and didn't even look back at me. lol. It was so hard to see her with the other kids and teachers though. It made it all to real that my baby girl is going to kindergarten. :( It just does Not seem possible that she's that old already. She should still be a tiny baby.

I Feel like Crap

Oh Man I feel so rotten. My Chest is killing me, Even my back. I'm coughing so bad and it's just a Hacking cough. Man that hurts. I'm taking musinex so i'm praying that it starts making my coughs productve, I mean if i'm going to cough I want to at least cough Something up. kwim? My head is Still so stuffed up with sinus and allergy junk. I wish it would just go away.

Shelbies Kindergarten Screening today

It went so Great! She had a great time and did So great. I was so proud of her. She went right with the teacher no problem, didn't even look back at me. lol. But Gosh it almost felt like I was sending her to school right then and there. It was hard! =( She did Fantastic with screening part where she recognized letters and Shapes and numbers etc.. She knew almost all of them. For some reason she only got 4 out of the 6 shapes they asked her to name. Heck that kid has known she shapes for a Longggg time. Must have been because she didn't know the teacher or something. That's the only thing I can think of. she passed her vision and hearing tests too. The nurse did say that when she covers one eye with her hand the Other eye lid closes almost all the way for some reason. Same with the other eye. Don't know why though. She's always had heavy looking lids. Like sultry eyes. lol. She asked me to let the Dr know that at her physical. She did Pass her speech evaluation but the Speech teacher wants us to practice with her saying her S's correctly and her F's She has a "Tongue thrust" where her tongue pushes past her teeth when she says F's and S's . All in all she did Awsome! I'm so proud of my girl. But i'm Not ready for her to go to kindergarten yet.. =(