Today would have been my C-Section Day

For some reason I guess I blocked it out until I looked at the Pocket calendar in my purse. I had been using it when I was pregnant and I had written down today as my C-section date. Well it was a tentitive date anyway but the Dr said that it would be Ok with him. So if I hadn't lost Zachary today I would have been holding him in my arms. Wow. That brings up a lot of emotions. Remembering when both Sam and shelbie were born. Thinking of how it could have been this time around. Thinking about Sam and shelbies reactions to their new baby brother. Seeing Billy hold him. But instead today my arms are empty. And a Big place in my heart is empty too. And to think that my baby boy could have shared a Birthday with a wonderful sweet little girl named Audrey. I'm doing ok. A few tears but i'm ok. I know Zachary is looking down on me today, I can almost feel him near me. I just wish that just Once I could have seen him. Held him for just a moment.

Zachary I know you are up in heaven playing with all the other baby angels. I bet I know some of their mommys down here. Mommy misses you so much baby. My heart is so Sad today sweetie. It would have been the perfect day for you to have been born. Your brother and sister would have loved you so much. And your daddy would have been so proud of you. So until mommy can be with you in Heaven please sit close to Jesus and listen to him, I want to hear all about your time in heaven when I get up there. I Love you so much baby boy and mommy misses you with every breath I take.
Love you so much
Mommy