My Weight A Long Story

Doesn't it all come down to weight? lol. I'm going to be honest here cause well it Is my blog and if I can't be honest here well then Where Can I be honest. I'm 5 foot 4 & 1/4 inches. Yep I had to add that 1/4 th in there lol. And I weigh......
Yikes this is So hard to say. But well I weigh 194 lbs! OMG that looks so Huge in print! This is about the biggest i've ever been. In high school I weighed around 120 or so. Not skinny because i've Never been "SKinny" but I was healthy and fit and I played softball all the time and Ran and I was active. Then like most people when you get Out of school I started gaining weight. Slowly really but I gained. I was still in a healthy range when I got pregnant with Sam after trying for so many years to get pregnant. I see pictures of myself when I first got preg with him and I look So great! I went Crazy eatting anything and Everything with him. I was new to being a SAHM and I had nothing better to do during the day then Sit on the couch and Eat! And I did that fantasticlly. I was a pro! lol.
Sam was 9lbs 3 oz at birth and 21 inches long.
About 1 year or so after he was born I felt so awful about my weight and I went to the Dr and got on Phentrimine to help me lose weight. Now that stuff was Awsome! The weight just melted off me. But then I was doing a Denise Austin Exercise tape almost everyday too so that helped. But I got down to 145. I felt Awsome! I looked great if I do say so myself. haha. Then opps! I got pregnant with shelbie. lol. I only gained about 30-35 lbs with her because I was soooo sick with her. I barely ate the entire pregnancy. M/S was Awful. no vomiting but omg there were times I almost prayed to. After she was born at 8lbs 8oz and 20 1/2 inches long I just put my weight on the back burner. She was a hard baby. She had Horrible acid reflux and on 2 meds for it. Plus colic. At 6:30 EVERY night she would start screaming. I mean Screaming! And would not stop for over 1 hour or more. How we got through that I will never know. Yes I do, God!
Then about 3 years ago I found out that I have a thyroid problem. Out of the blue. I had no idea at all. I have diabetes running in my family and had been feeling.. Weird so I went to the Dr to have him check my blood sugar And my thryoid while he was at it. It came back that my blood sugar was fine. Yeah.. But my thryoid was not. Just like my Dad and his mom. So i've been on thryoid meds for that long now. Guess what... When you have a thyroid problem you have a Problem losing weight most of the time. My Dr had told me that "your weight will just Fall off you" Ummmm NOPE! I know what will work for me. Atkins= Low Carb. It works for me Everytime. But Why can I not get started? I Hate the way I feel, I hate the way I look and i'm SO self consious about being seen naked! YIKES! Poor Billy. lol. So what is holding me back? I Want so badly to lose this weight but Why can't I just do it?