Tears

Gosh it's to early in the day for this. lol. But i'm already crying. But unlike so many tears i've cried in the last few years These are Happy tears. Extremely happy tears. Because my wonderful friend is getting her dream. A dream that has been So long in coming. It's funny how some people that you meet online and probably never meet IRL can become so important to you. More important to me then some of my IRL friends lol. How you want So much to be able to help them in anyway you can. How you pray for them and worry for and about them. I wish I could be there for her today IRL to see her face as her miracle arrives.

I remember how it felt when we had Sam. A day that I thought would Never come. Gosh I feel so incredibly niave(sp) now thinking back to when we were TTC Sam. I thought that as soon as we quit Birth control and we started TTC that that would be It! We'd be pregnant in no time and we'd have that baby in 9 months. Period! Wow how nieve could I be. In my defense there wasn't anyone in my family who'd had any kind of fertility problems. Everyone I knew that had kids had them when They wanted and easily. In fact 2 of my Aunts had kids When they weren't even trying. Mid life babies lol. My cousin L got pregnant with All of her kids while on Birth control. One of them while she was on Depo provera shot! That is how fertile she was. So why would it have even entered my mind that WE would be the ones who had problems concieving? who knew. God knew. It wasn't the time for us then. Gosh I remember trying for a whole year and 1/2 without any luck. and finally breaking down and talking to my Ob/gyn abdout why we weren't pregnant. That was hard. Hard because I was afraid that it was my fault. It was. I didn't ovulate. I mean barely at all. we had so many tests. I'd go in month after month to have them check my ovulation. nothing. And Charting my temps. yuck! That was a PINA. But we did it. Billy even got a sperm annalysis and he was fine. Fantastic in fact. Very high levels. And finally Clomid. I used that for awhile with no luck. Until I was at the highest level of clomid possible and going nuts. Literally nuts. I spiraled into a horrible depression. Right about then one of my cousins T got pregnant. Not married and kept saying that she didn't want the baby. We even talked about adopting her baby but in the end she decided to keep him. Her son E is now in 6th grade. I look at him and I think how he just might have been our son. But God had other plans. I saw a Dr for my depression and he put me on bc pills. just to straighten my cycles out and give my body a rest from the Clomid etc.. I stayed on them for 3 months and then went off. And then 2 months later the most Amazing thing happend. I was late for me period But that was normal for me. I can only atribute it to the voice of God tell ing me because I was keeping a friends son for a few days while she was out of town and we'd gone to walmart and I got a pregnancy test. Just knowing in my heart that it would be Neg just like the other 100's that i'd taken in the past. but guess what? It was POSITIVE! O M G I couldn't believe it. So we ran Back to walmart and got another one. + too! Wow. It was so funny telling Billy because he called me on his way home from work to see if I needed anything and I said " No just hurry home.... DADDY" and hung up. LOL I think he was home in 5 min when it usually took him 15. LOL I wish I had a picture of his face when he got out of the truck. Shock, awe and a bit of confusion. :) He asked me he'd heard what he thought he'd heard. and I said Yes we're going to have a baby. Omg i'll remember that day until I die. I know now that God's plan was the best plan for us. If we'd had Sam when we first tired there had been no way i'd have been able to be a sahm with him and then shelbie too. He knew the exact time for us. I'm so Thankful he did.

So as my friend gets her dream today or very soon after whenever that bundle decides to arrive lol. My prayers are flying off my lips for her. I've been praying for her miracle to be healthy, safe and wonderful. And that her dream brings her as much love and joy and incredible happiness that my dreams brought to me. Miracles Do happen and Dreams DO come true. I guess sometimes we have to wait for them, Even when we dont' want to.