Not Pregnant.

Well I am Not pregnant. AF started last night with it's usual spot and now is definetly here in full force. I have to admit that i'm relieved. Not because we didn't necessaryly want another baby, I was just so incredibly Terrified of ever Losing another baby. Somedays I Still feel like i'm Still picking up the pieces of my heart. I don't think i'd be able to put my heart back together again if I ever lost another baby. There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think of Zachary. I miss him so much. So even while i'm relieved....

I'm Sad.

Yep Sad. Stupid I know. How can I be both relieved and Sad at the same time? I think I started thinking about babies and What IF I was in fact pregnant. I think just that thought of the Possible baby was enough to make me dream just a little about "What if"
hummmm. What if? Guess it just wasn't ment to be.