Bored and other stuff.

I Hate days like this. Here I sit at home, alone and I have So much stuff to do. But i'm just not wanting to do it. I know I know i'm lazy. lol. Not really though i'm bored. I was hoping the school would call me today to come and Substitute but Nope. I've not subbed since December! crap! I don't know why it is but on the days I Can't sub is the day that they call me! But on the days where I get up and get ready To sub they never call me. I've been thinking all day about my "Situation" that some of ya'll know about. I think the only people who know what i'm talking about are the only people who read this anyway. lol. I keep feeling like Af is on her way. I wish she would. But then when I Really think about AF coming I get a little sad. I know i'm Stupid! I'm just terrified. And what makes me sad is I don't want any of my dear friends to think that i'm not Thankful for even the Chance of being pregnant. kwim? I just know in my heart that I really don't think i'd make it if I lost another baby. plus the stress and anxiety on Billy and especially Sam. After all the stuff he went through after we lost Zach and I almost died I don't know how he'd do if I am pregnant. I guess i'll find out one way or another friday. today is 12 days past. I would test today if I had a test and the money to get one. lol. Billy hasn't said anything about the possiblity of me being pregnant. I hate to even bring it up. I guess we've just got our heads in the sand right now. Boobs are a bit sore but then they would be anyway. lol. I don't know what the hell is going on. I do know i've been praying a lot about it and I know that God has it under control.
Well guess i'd better get some stuff done even though I Really don't want to . ARrrghghhgghh Don't make me!