Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness day. Kinda the day when everyone remembers their babies they've lost. Funny thing is that I don't need a Special day for that. And the women I know that have lost babies don't either. So I guess it's kinda for the rest of the world to remember kwim? Billy thinks that I should "Be over it and move on" Ummm nope! He back tracked pretty fast after he said that because of the look on my face. I told him that losing our baby is not something that I will Ever get over. I think of him Every Single Solitary day. Sometimes I go outside at night and look up at the stars. I like to imagine that he's looking down at me at the very same time and I talk to him. In my mind mostly because Billy doesn't understand. A friend explained something to her Dh and told me and It explains so much. they lost a baby a while back and they have a 3 year old Daughter and a 7 year old son. She asked him that would he expect her to get over the death of her 3 year old FAST just because she was Younger? Just because they lost their baby inUtero doesn't mean that it didn't count as a baby! Just because they never got to hold him/ her or see him/ her Does Not mean that it wasn't a Baby and doesn't mean that it shouldn't be mourned and it's loss felt! Why Why Why do people who've never had to lose a baby (and even some who have) think that it's like snapping your fingers and you're Over the loss of your baby? Why?! It doesn't work like that. I Still hurt. It's almost been a Year since we lost Zachary and I Still hurt. I have a Permant Ache in my heart. It never goes away. It eases some at times but Never disapears all the way. I know that it never will. I Miss him SO much. I Ache to see him. My Arms Ache to hold him. Just once. Though I know that once would never be enough. I wonder alot who he would have looked like. Sam or shelbie? Why did my baby have to be sick and die when I tried Everything in my power to keep him healthy and safe? Why? That is something I Still wrestle with. How come teenage girls who don't give a Shit about their babies and never see a Dr and never take Prenatal vitamins and eat Shit and drink alcholol have healthy babies? why? I know I'll never get to know why. I Know that God had a reason. It doesn't keep me from wondering though.
Gosh I guess this awareness day was a day for me to get Pissed or something. Like I need a day for that. ..

I pray for Peace and comfort for Every one of my Dear friends and friends i've not met yet who has lost a baby. May God give us strength everyday.